Selected Highlights from the UFO Department of the MoD, Vol. I

Like many who grew up watching The X-Files, I have an unabashed love of conspiracy theories, aliens, ghosts and cryptozoology.  I dig their folky sensibilities – creepypasta are the modern Grimm’s Fairy Tales, after all.  If someone says they saw something, I’ll believe them, and I will never be that asshole who immediately tries to deduce the rational explanation.  Do I think the spirits of dead people are walking around?  No, probably not.  Am I hellbent on making someone feel like an idiot for sharing their experience when I don’t actually know what really happened anyway?  You’re damn right I’m not.  Besides, in true Spooky Mulder fashion, it’s more fun to entertain “extreme possibilities”.

Some people take it real, real seriously though.  They don’t enjoy a good yarn, or ask “what if?”, they actively seek answers that don’t exist to questions no-one asked.  The Ministry of Defense actually has people whose job it is to reply to correspondence regarding UFOs, and they periodically release these letters to the public.  I go through them from time to time.  Most are pretty dull, but occasionally a gem can be found.  It’s a painfully real, sometimes hilarious, often sad window into the minds of the sort of people I’d probably never speak to.  Here are a couple of my favourites.

I’m not sure what this guy’s deal is, but I think he might be a stalker.  Like, for reals.  In a later e-mail, he complains bitterly that he was accused of  assaulting Robbie Williams when he was only trying to get him medical attention.  What’s more, he thinks this is information the Ministry of Defense desperately needs to know.

This one made me a little sad.  The sender doesn’t want to be thought of as your garden variety UFO “nutter”, and yet they just can’t help but enclose a leaflet they wrote on the existence of alien spaceships.  Like a nutter.

Another case of bizarre material being sent to the MoD for no apparent reason.  This person believes they were a cartoonist for Queen Elizabeth I in a past life.  Amusingly, their supposed work not only predates that of Benjamin Franklin, but is also drawn better.  Just couldn’t let Ben have that one, could you?

One of many examples of the disenfranchised citizen demanding answers from a corrupt government that doesn’t seem to care for their troubles.  Personally, I’d demand the re-release of the Maverick Bar.  They were delightful.

You’re right, it is very obvious you’re not an expert on military aircraft, or even slightly acquainted with widely-known models.

I can very clearly picture the wry smile of whoever wrote this.

Ooft.  Notice the handwritten annotation: “the subject is not clear”.  No shit.

What strikes me about a lot of these replies is how polite and patient the government seem to be.  I guess it’s their job, and they can’t exactly tell people to stop pestering them, but there are a greater-than-expected number of e-mails between employees asking for information and clarification on the behalf of the deluded.  It’s kind of sweet.

Well, that was interesting.  I may have another look through the files some time and post anything of interest.  Remember, this is but one of thousands of archives full of billions of articles, letters, songs and pictures, all freely available on the internet.

Try digging some time.  It’s a lot of fun.

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